Gullible's travel tips

As a frequent-flier I thought I would pass on my top travel tips:

• Travel hand luggage only. Its the only way to fly. SWMBO would endorse this one.


• And make sure it can fit under the seat. This is a personal one. <FLAME ON>I hate trying to wrestle my small bag into the overhead lockers along with the steamer trunks on wheels brought on board by those anti-social passengers taking the p**s. If I had my way I would strictly enforce the hand luggage limit and make them check the b****y things into the hold.<FLAME OFF>.


• Buy shirts with breast pockets. So you can put your passport and boarding card in there, conveniently at hand at all times.


• Join every frequent-flier program going. We get a free flight to Italy every other year. Since switching to the Amex/BA credit card we also got two free return business flight to Australia and have enough to do the same to California next year.


• Use e-tickets. Together with hand luggage means you can self-service check-in in less than 60 seconds rather than stand in the queue for half an hour.


• Warm your butter on the hot breakfast. If you are on an early morning flight the solid block of icy butter will destroy the flabby bread roll. As soon as breakfast is delivered pop the butter on the foil lid while you drink the orange juice.


• Buy one of those inflatable neck pillows. Especially for long haul. Use that for your neck and use the airline's pillow to stuff behind the small of your back as lumbar support.


• Pack tea bags. Liptons Yellow Label is available all over the European continent and US of A and makes a rubbish cup of tea. Take a stash of decent industrial strength tea bags.


• Write your date of birth on line two. Travelling to the US as a British citizen I fill in the green Visa Waiver form. Cunningly designed to fool you into writing your date of birth on the first line. Don't do it! DOB goes on the second line. It took me about four trips and many torn up forms before I learned.