Michael McLellan: A Retrospective

Michael McLellan: A Retrospective

  2nd to 20th October 2006  
  at Wolfson College, Linton Road, Oxford, OX2 6UD  
  Open Daily 10am to 4pm subject to College commitments.  
  Visitors are advised to ring the college lodge beforehand +44 1865 274100  

It would help if I had put the details of the exhibition in my previous posts! The reason for calling is that the rooms are also used for meetings and other functions, so to avoid disappointment call first.

Some piccies

Room 1: Pictures 1 to 15


Room 2: Mark thanks Ben (out of shot)


Room 3: Michael explains the imagery


Room 1: Picture 1 - French Street

Michael McLellan Exhibition Private View

Sunday was the private view for the opening of Dad's exhibition at Wolfson College, Oxford and by general agreement a most successful event.

Saturday morning Mary and I drove down to Farnham to fill the boot with paintings then off to Oxford for an 11:00 assembly at the college. Thanks to Dad's preparation in pre-stringing all the paintings the actual hanging went in record time. Each room had one person un-bagging the exhibits, another hanging on the wall and another folding up the bags for later. Others mucked in with general furniture moving and moral support. Then it was back to the hotel for lunch.

That evening we all went en-masse to a cocktail bar to celebrate Tom's 18th birthday (actually on the Sunday). Then off to Pierre Victoire for a family meal, all 15 of us: Mum&Dad, two siblings, their partners, six nephews and one girl-friend. The noise was deafening as we all talked at once and the table next door was even noisier. The resulting escalation of talk volume spiralled out of control and I felt sorry for any other diners hoping for a quiet, romantic meal for two.

After the meal us old-uns and the two youngest nephews went back to the hotel for a night cap and early to bed. The rest went off to Chris's place (he is a student at Oxford Brookes University) to party. A bleary-eyed Lorenzo informed us at breakfast that he left them to it and got back to the hotel at around 3:30am.

The private view was 12-3pm so we all went down to the college at 11:00 to be ready for the first guests who started to arrive pretty promptly. There was a large contingent of old family friends, neighbours and colleagues of Dad's many of whom were also known to us offspring. This made it seem like an episode of "This Is Your Life".

At Ian's suggestion I made a short speech of welcome and I would like to repeat here the thanks I made there:

 • Wolfson college for hosting the exhibition
 • Jan Scrivens (College Secretary) for all her help with the organisation
 • Barbara Harris-White (Professor) for the original suggestion and promoting the idea
 • Ben (Mike) Hutchinson for all his work on the graphics (poster, catalog, postcard)
 • Dad for being a talented artist

About 50 people turned up and it was more like a cheese and wine party than an art show. It was great to catch up with old friends and meet some friends of Dad I had not met before. One thing that struck me (and the others at the hanging) was how colourful the paintings are when seen all together. There were some old favorites of mine and a whole stack I had never seen before that had been lurking up in his workshop (aka spare bedroom).

Dad sold about 8 or 9 pictures and we sold 3 prints. I took a load of photos as did Mary so I plan to post some images over the next few days. We talked, we admired the art, we trod cheese into the carpet then tidied up after the guests had gone home. All in all a most satisfactory day.

See previously:
"Michael McLellan Limited Edition Prints"
"Exhibition Planning"

He looks in my mouth and then he starts to gloat

He says my teeth are OK but my gums got to go. *

Went to Raj on Friday because my teeth were giving me gyp and it looks like I am down for two crowns and an extraction at Harley Street prices. The latter may be years off but the crowns, numbers 12 and 13, are to be done as soon as I get the x-rays taken (see previously "And finally monsieur a wafer-thin mint").

Meanwhile I am on Corsodyl mouthwash, for the gingivitis. Corsodyl is one of the viler tastes on the planet and wreaks havoc with the taste buds. My tongue feels like it has been lightly sand-papered. I can forget about drinking fine wines until I am off the stuff as everything has hints of sand and glue.

* Unfinished Sweet by Alice Cooper

Life as a soap character

Watching soaps on the telly drives me mental even though I tell myself "It isn't real, they are only actors". The characters on EastEnders are textbook examples of dysfunctional behaviour. If you want to live your lives like them here are a few simple rules for dishonest communication:

Is anything wrong? When asked this reply, "No, I'm fine" in a very unconvincing, flat tone of voice.
Is everything OK? When asked this reply, "Yes, great" in a very unconvincing, flat tone of voice.
Be oblivious to tone. Ignore all body language, intonation and facial expression that might indicate unhappiness, distress or concern.
Never question or challenge. Take an unconvincing answer at face value. Do not ask "Are you sure?" Do not seek explanations. Do not ask why someone behaved as they did.
Talk with a sarcastic tone. Ensure that you are sarcastic as much as possible. Snide is good.
Do not acknowledge apologies. When on the receiving end of an apology respond grumpily by repeating the original complaint. When making the apology immediately respond to the rebuff by abandoning any attempt at reconcilation and have a heated exchange.
Always interrupt. Do not allow the other people to complete their exposition.
I've got something to tell you. When you hear this do not listen attentively, instead interrupt with some piece of trivia, preferably one that "pulls the rug from under" the other's news.
Assume the worst. If you see or overhear something put the worst possible interpretation on people's motivations.
Believe malicious gossip. On hearing an unpleasant report or unkind hearsay about a friend or loved one assume it is true.
Organise surprises. Do not consider the plans, wishes, aspirations and likely response of the 'surprisee'.

If no specfic rules apply to a particular situation apply these two basic principles:

 • Deny the truth
 • Never establish the facts

KGS Class of 71 Reunion (24 September 2006)

At the "New Varsity" pub just outside the Warwick University Campus on the Gibbet Hill Road (post code CV4 7AJ), 12:00 - 16:00.

Present:
Bill Nealon
Craig Horner
Christine Horner (nee Hills)
David Botterill
Deborah Collett
Diana Jones (nee Gibson)
Dilys Shepherd (nee Crumpton)
Lesley Moseley (nee Fletcher)
Mark McLellan
Martin Haswell
Mary Plimmer (nee Cameron)
Michael Todd
Nigel Mykura
Ross Beadle
Sue Mykura (nee Lamb)


KGS main building


KGS entrance


Dilys


Nigel, Sue


Diana, Nigel, Sue


Mick, Deborah, Diana, Lesley, Martin, Ross


Nigel, Christine, Craig, Sue


Nigel, Lesley, Christine

See also Reunion 2001 photos http://www.mmenterprises.co.uk/kgs/photo3.htm

Pre-Op Questionnaire

Dad and I have both had hernia repairs. His was within the lifetime of this blog but I spared the world that particular news item. As Dad said - tongue in cheek - "Now we have something in common". Of course he pointed out in a spirit of one-upmanship that *his* was a double hernia.

When I came to fill in the pre-op questionnaire I put my religion as "Jedi" (see "In the UK 390,000 Jedis there are"). Unfortunately the drop-down list in the system did not include that selection so I had to go down as "Other" presumably along with Druids, White witches and Fans of Paris Hilton.

When Dad completed his form and got to the question on existing medication he had to wrote "None". He isn't being prescribed anything at all whilst many of his contemporaries rattle like castanets (or is it maracas?). Considering he was 79 at the time he is pretty d**n healthy. I only hope I inherit his constitution along with his hernia!

Quince Cheese

There is a box of UHT milk portions in our office kitchen bearing the legend "Allergy advice: contains milk". I should hope so too! I suppose they have to be explicit lest some idiot thinks that cocoa butter or quince cheese contain joos o' the coo.

On Saturday we were down at the cottage and harvested about six kilo (13 lb) of quince and half a wheelbarrow of Bramley apples. On Sunday, while I was at a KGS reunion, Mary was at home making Quince cheese. For the first tranche she followed a recipe from The Silver Spoon.

This classic Italian cookbook is the culinary bible in most Italian homes and is a popular wedding gift. Presumably from the MIL so that her darling son does not starve to death at the hands of DIL. When it came out in English Mary asked me to buy her a present of the original Italian version the better to improve her Italian.


Quince Cheese and Quince Jelly

Halfway through the first batch she realised that it was in fact a recipe for quince Jelly so she completed that and switched to the River Cafe Cook Book for the second batch. The jelly is a beautiful golden orange colour; I had some on my toast this morning and it was delicious.

Birthday celebrations

Yesterday was my 54th birthday so Mary and I went for a very tasty meal at Alistair Little's Restaurant in Frith Street then toddled two doors along to Ronnie Scott's where we saw Ambulance, featuring Eddie Henderson, while we supped our way through a bottle of Perrier Jouet Belle Epoque. A very pleasant way to celebrate.

The bedroom that fell down

Our bedroom is in the trulli that fell down (see "It fell down..."). Previously the cone was "blind". We took the opportunity to rebuild it with a window, albeit a small one, to be in keeping with the rest of the property. Given that wall is over three foot thick (1.20 meter to be exact) it is more like looking out of a square porthole.


Mark and Mary's bedroom in the Lamia House

The door between it and the front cone is small and arched so Daniele designed a two part door. The panels are glass so our friend Lynn made curtains for us for all of the lamia doors.


Door between back bedroom and front sitting room

Since our last visit some wild beast (well I am assuming a local dog) ran all over the nice, white pizza oven roof with muddy paws, then up the stairs to the roof of the Lamia, peered over one parapet, trotted over to the other side, peered over that, repeated for a third side and then off again.


Paw prints on the Pizza oven roof

Purple like an aubergine

Or eggplant as Americans call it (though any resemblance to an egg is pretty farfetched to my eye).

My natural decorum and good taste *cough* plus the fact that Mary checks this blog regularly for egregious errors of fact means that I have not been able to document my post-operative condition as luridly as I might have otherwise have wished. The safest thing is quote from the informative leaflet the hospital gave me.

"Risks. For a hernia repair these include: bruising - there is a risk of bruising around the operation site. But some patients may develop quite dramatic bruising and swelling, which in men can extend to ... [Ed. That quite enough thank you!]"

On the Friday before we left for Italy I went back to the nurse who did a conjuring trick and proceeded to pull a foot long piece of what looked like fishing line out of my groin. A most odd sensation. It appears that dissolving stitches are for the inner layers only. She pronounced the scar as healing nicely and off I went with a packet of anti-inflammatory Nurofen.

Two weeks of relaxation in Italy means I am well on the way to full recovery although the residual tenderness may mean that an exhibition of Russian Cossack dancing may yet be some way off.

Metre out of order

So said the scrap of cardboard on Waterloo Bridge. Presumably written by a motorist about a parking meter to deflect the wrath of a traffic warden. Unless of course they really were complaining about some poetic dysfunction. "Officer this verse just won't scan. Its iambic pentameter is all bent out of shape."

Lamia House so nearly finished

We always had it in mind that the Trulli House would be for renting out and the Lamia House would be ours to live in. The Trulli House has been habitable since last Septmber (see "Puglian Diary") but the Lamia House has been lagging behind. Now we are well and truly moved in.

We arrived Saturday and on the Sunday moved our bed from one house to the other and so spent our first night in the "new" house. Over the course of the following two weeks we took delivery of another bed to replace the one we moved, a dining table and chairs, a day bed (with truckle bed beneath) and a blanket box.


[click image for larger version]

The big excitement was the joiners finally fitting the kitchen cupboards they were due to install back in June/July. A few hiccups like the door for the fitted fridge was a single piece but we have a fridge/freezer. An animated discussion between architect and joiner ensued; the door went away and a two separate doors returned.


[click image for larger version]

The hot water system was playing up so our guests had a number of cold showers but by the time we left, and after numerous visits from Ignazio the engineer, we seem to have it fixed. Now we are down to a final snagging list (US: punch list) to make the whole thing complete.

Off to Puglia for two weeks

We fly out tomorrow, back on the 16th September. So this will probably be my last post until we return. This time we have persuaded our friends Bob&Lynn to join us for a week and our friend Andrea for about five days. I am looking forward to showing them round and introducing them to our favourite restaurants and local wines. Until then.

Toodle-pip old beans!

PS.
Just checked out the weather forcast for Cisternino and it is 29°C and sunny all the way. Cue song... "The sun has got his hat on. Hip, hip, hip, hooray"

Bourdeaux 2005 En Primeur

On Tuesday evening we went to a BBR En Primeur tasting and tried 49 out of the 74 wines on show. Mostly the wines were presented in pairs, the 2005 en primeur and a recent vintage (pretty evenly spread over the 2001 through to 2004 vintages).

Interesting to compare the wine in its "raw" state with an officially released bottle. Trying to image how the 2005 will evolve is beyond my palette even with the recent vintage to contrast with. So I took it more in the educational sense of tasting wines I would never otherwise buy nor get to taste including a number of classed growths.

We got chatting to Max the saleman account manager who keeps sending Mary wicked, tempting emails of wines to buy. And so often she succumbs but, it has to be said, to my benefit as well. "Who *are* all these people?" I wanted to know. Many of them looked like old money, city types: merchant bankers, brokers, barristers, and such like in the uniform of pinstripe suit. Plus a few who looked like landed gentry. And a few normals like us.

He did reveal that those present were all invited, account holders only. Some like us spend a few thousand pounds a year, some spend up to 15 million! Too late for a career switch methinks?

Bank Holiday Barbeque

Although Monday was a public holiday in the UK we actually held our barbeque on the Sunday. Mary was an absolute heroine, she did 99% of the preparation catering for an expected 32 guests. I hobbled about and did a little work that could be done sitting down like podding and skinning broad beans and skewering chicken yakatori.

It had been raining on and off all weekend but fortunately the rain held off during the afternoon and early evening. About 20 people turned up and the whole event went very well. The bread-maker and ice cream-maker had been working hard as well producing three different flavoured breads and four different ice creams all of which proved very popular.

A colleague and his wife did not turn up and I was sure that they had assumed the BBQ was on Monday. Sure enough they turned up 24 hours late and so we had a very pleasant impromptu dinner party with all the left-overs from Sunday.

Can you feel anything when I do this?

Well the operation seemed to go very smoothly. I was curiously not as apprehensive as I was expecting. In the anaesthetic room when they wired me up my pulse was only 51 and "shot up" to 60 when they inserted the canula into the crook of my elbow. The anaesthetist said "I'll just inject a little to start with" and that's the last I remem...

...when I woke I was rambling inchoherently like a complete and utter drunkard. I was having great tribble spooking and was definitely slurping my worms. G*d know what I was wittering on about but I think women's nostrils came into it somewhere!

Three hours of dozing was followed by several cups of tea and biscuits and a very late lunch at 5:00pm. Then at 8:30 I got a black cab home. They may be an iconic symbol of London Town but they have the suspension of an armoured troop carrier. I spent the entire journey home gripping the hand rail to minimise the jouncing about.

The post operative guidance is basically, "If it hurts stop doing it". I have some paracetamol and a pair of full length ambi-embolism stockings to wear for a week but I don't think white is really my colour.

Nipples to Knees

Apparently fashions change in medical procedures. Many years ago I had a summer job as a hospital porter. A-a-h the memories <pause, sigh, shake head to clear>. Anyway, a couple of times I had to assist one of the regulars prep a male patient. The slogan was "Nipples to Knees!" Dry shaving the aforementioned area with a disposable razor. I played no active part and presume my role was effectively that of chaperone.

It didn't look the most soothing of shaves so I had fully intended to do my own prep this evening, thank you very much, in a nice warm bath but according to the admissions clerk the modern way is clippers immediately pre-op. A quick Google shows this to be the case [1] [2] so I shall leave that to the experts.

Instead I shall concentrate on having a good, slow release, meal tonight as it is nil-by-mouth from midnight so that means no breakfast and who know when I shall be ready for my lunch.

Blood, Sweat and Tea

Real Life Adventures in an Inner-city Ambulance (Paperback) by my mate Tom Reynolds. Well, not really a mate but I did once buy him a beer in the Bell, Book and Candle.

The book, Blood, Sweat and Tea, is based on his blog Random Acts of Reality which is top of my blog reading. He has been doing all sorts of media interviews (mostly radio); here is one interview with Tom on the telly.

His blog is a gripping read about a real life job doing something of value. Not sure the same can be said of my desk-bound job. Read his blog and be reminded what a debt we to people like him in the ambulance service and get a fascinating insight into the (street) life of east London.

Well done Tom, congratulations on getting all the way to book form.

Rotting rodents

The Rat Catcher Vermin Control Officer did warn me that it might get a bit smelly - poisoning rats [There's a Rat in Mi Kitchen (2)]. How right he was! The breakfast room stinks something awful. Of course it might be the drains but my money is on a decomposing rat under the floorboards. Let's hope nature takes its course with alacrity as we have a houseful of guests at the weekend and I don't fancy having to prise up a floorboard to remove the putrid corpse, Yech!

Inguinal Hernia

Apparently hernia repairs are the single most common male operation in the UK with over 100,000 performed each year according to the BBC. On Friday I am about to become number 100,001.

Last Tuesday the GP confirmed my diagnosis (not difficult), last Friday I met the consultant surgeon and this Friday I go under the knife. The surgeon, John Scurr, seems to know his stuff and has a good firm handshake - just what you need to hold the scalpel steady.

I resisted telling him the old joke:
 "Doctor, will I be able to play the piano afterwards?"
 "Yes, I don't see why not."
 "That's funny, I couldn't before!"

We are having a barbeque on Sunday and Mary has made me promise that I won't go playing the invalid or offering to show people my scar. Spoilsport!

Jeffrey Bernard is Unwell

starring Tom Conti at the Garrick Theatre.

We went to the Saturday matinee with our friend Andrea. We met up at the Cork&Bottle - again - for a spot of lunch before going to the play. And the play was hilarious, I haven't laughed so much for ages. I was expecting amusing and entertaining but not Laugh Out Loud funny. Excellent, I highly recommend it. Go see it while you still can. They are only booking till 02 Sepetmber 2006.

Sig Humour

I am surprised more people do not configure their email programs to include a .sig which gets appended to every posting, especially as it allows for a sig quote: "A maxim, quote, proverb, joke, or slogan embedded in one's sig block and intended to convey something of one's philosophical stance, pet peeves, or sense of humor."

For years mine was:
"There must be some kind of way out of here" said the joker to the thief
Now it is:
"You cannot change the past but you can shape the future"

Mary's used to be:
"Life is too short to drink bad wine"
Now it is:
"Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination." Oscar Wilde

Lurking on news:comp.infosystems.www.authoring.site-design I have been amused by the following .sigs:

"I see a web site and I want to paint it #000000"
"I am a man of many parts, unfortunately some of them are out of stock"
"Keep your friends close by and your enemies in a hole in the ground lined with pointy sticks"
"I can take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once."
"I want to die like my grandfather, peacefully in his sleep, not like his passengers, screaming in terror"

Trullo Azzuro goes public

We decided the property formerly known as Hovel-in-the-Hills™ is finished enough to be fit for renting. So we have signed up with http://www.holiday-rentals.co.uk/ and gone public. Now would-be holiday makers can read all about it, check availability and prices and request bookings. Roll up, roll up!

Beautifully restored trullo in delightful, secluded valley
[follow this link for full details]

A beautiful trullo, lovingly restored by the owners to a very high standard, employing traditional methods and materials to retain the character of this magical property.

It has 4 large cones constituting a living room with two sofas, 1 double bedroom, 1 twin bedded room, a kitchen / dining room and a smaller cone containing the bathroom.

The property is surrounded by a garden with olive and fig trees, and an enclosed south-facing courtyard paved with traditional old stones (chianchi). The courtyard has sun loungers for relaxing; a barbeque, garden table and chairs for al fresco dining and an external pizza oven for would-be chefs.

It is situated on the west facing slope of a delightfully quiet valley with wonderful views of the surrounding countryside. An ideal place for relaxing away from it all, whilst being ideally located for exploring the sights of Puglia.

Traffic Light Meals

Last Tuesday I caught the train straight from work down to Farnborough for a Nepalese meal. I met up with Bob Carlsen, my old boss from CSC, in the Gurkha Palace together with four other ex-colleagues. The company was fine as was the food. Well, flavour wise it was fine but visually it was very monchrome, very beige: rice, naan and an assortment of curries all in shades of brown. Colour is important in food presentation.

Years ago, when I was single, I would veg out on a Sunday morning watching the OU. One time there was this Fine Arts lecturer explaining how Constable would always use a small dot of red somewhere in his pictures; in "Flatford Mill" it is on the headband of the horse. Even a small dash of contrasting colour can bring vivacity to a visual image. If you ever get your portrait drawn by a street artist notice how they often apply a dot of white in each eye to give the face more life.

Making the connection, like you do, I realised this is the purpose of the garnish on a plate. I had never been able to see the point of embellishing, say, a starter of toast and pate with two scraps of lettuce and a quarter tomato; not much in the way of nourishment there but of course it is meant as a feast for the eyes.

More specifically an easy way to give your meals visual appeal is to adopt a traffic light scheme: red, amber, green. Not always literally, the place of red might be taken by brown grilled meat and the amber might be a white slice of mozarella; adapt the basic schema to the meal in mind.

For example my meal last week at the Cork&Bottle was grilled giant prawns (red) on a bed of salad (green) and it needed the slice of lemon to give the dish the amber lift. Likewises Kylie's sausage (red) and chips (amber) needed the tomato to give it the red boost.

Two out of three just and something is missing. That is why red (bell) peppers and tomatoes are so useful; carrots also can play red or amber depending on the rest of the plate. Of course some meals are there already like "insalata tricolore" - tomato, mozzarella and basil or the panzanella Mary made at the weekend.

[Panzanella recipe from BBC Good Food]

My Rig May Be Old

But That Don't Mean She's Slow *

Two weekends ago when we were down at the cottage I brought my old Claude Butler back up to London. I bought it 28 years ago and it was second hand then. And yet again I chopped a chunk off my commute time. The 6.8 miles (10.9km) normally takes 38 minutes but twice this last fortnight I have done it in 29 minutes.

I think the Specialised Crossroads Comp may be going out to Italy as a holiday bike.

* Six Days on the Road by Taj Mahal

Hectic Social Life

One advantage of working in the UK full time is that I now have a social life Monday through Thursday. The disadvantage is that I now have a social life Monday through Thursday; it is a good life if you don't weaken!

Brasil Brasileiro at Sadlers Wells: on Thursday with Pete&Amanda. A meal beforehand followed by a performance of energetic and athletic music and dance. A classic case of "equal ogling opportunities" with six-packs for the benefit of the girls and skimpy, clinging outfits for the benefit of the boys.

Girl posse at Avon Cottage: on Friday we had four of Mary's ex-colleagues, from when she used to work at the bank, down at the cottage: Christine, Caroline, Andrea and Elaine. Dinner at the pub next door was followed by nattering till 2am.

BBQ at Bob&Lynn's: this event is an annual feature of our social calendar. Much eating and drinking but I left early because of concerns for the cat thus saving me from any unseemly exhibitions of wittering.

Cat feeding at midnight: Kate&Ian very kindly gave me a lift home to London, leaving the girls down at the cottage. Fed Cleo some fresh tuna and fell into bed.

Web site design at home: Being on my own on Sunday gave me a chance to update the website we have set up for marketing the Hovel in the Hills™. Obviously we cannot call it that so we have a working title of "Trulli Azzuro" after the blues skies and matching doors. See http://www.trulli-puglia.com/ Booking from 2007.

Vets at dawn: Monday and Cleo was the first patient as the vets opened. Emma reassured me that the weight loss, reduced appetite and increased drinking are typical of hyper thyroid-ism which we know Cleo has. Last year we switched from Neo-mercazole to Felimazole and we may still need to adjust the dosage.

Fran&Kylie at Cork&Bottle: A couple of weeks ago we bumped into another ex-college of Mary's who we had not seen for about six years so we arranged to meet again and catch up. Fran is a dancer see Google for more. Another Monday evening of eating and drinking.

Pretty Woman

Tuesday evening the conversation ranged far and wide, as always at a McLellan family gathering. Somehow we got to the topic that Ian had first pointed out for me the parallels between E.T. (the movie) and the crucifixion and the resurrection (The Bible). ET died and darkness came over the land. He came back to life and was taken up into heaven. It is left as an exercise for the viewer to re-view the film wearing "New Testament Glasses".

Wednesday evening I was home alone while Mary was out "team-building" with colleagues from work. So I had a quiet evening in with the cat on my lap and watched the recently acquired, 15th anniversary edition of Pretty Woman, the movie for which Mary famously coined the phrase "Equal Ogling Opportunity".

Now, despite IMDB reckoning it is based on La Traviata (as that is the opera they go to) my money is on Cinderella. For goodness sake they even have one character exclaim "Cinde-f**kin'-rella, that's who!". Look at the evidence:

• Richard is the prince
• the two Rodeo Drive shop assistants are the wicked step-sisters
• the bell-hop is Buttons
• the lotus / limo / lear jet is the coach (take your pick)
• the Hotel Manager is the Fairy Godmother (brilliantly under-played by Hector Elizondo)
• she gets to go to the ball (Opera)
• she gets the handsome Prince and they live happily ever after

There is even a nod to Rapunzel in the very last scene. I rest my case Mi'Lud!

Next week I shall explain the parallels between David Lynch's "Dune" and Rennaisance Italy.

Exhibition Poster

[click on image to see larger version]

http://www.michaelmclellan.com/

Exhibition Planning

One thing I like about London is being close to things. Yesterday I was able to cycle home, as most days. Then off to my brother's, again, only 17 minutes on the train from Wandsworth Town to St Margarets, half an hour door to door.

Mum and Dad had driven up for the evening so we could do some planning for his exhibition at Wolfson College, Oxford in October [Michael McLellan limited edition prints].

Nephew Mike works in the Media; how vague and grand that sounds, just don't inquire too deeply. Brother Ian is in Publishing; he *is* Arcturus Publishing, have a look at their catalogue [pdf]. So Mike is doing all the graphic design work for the catalogue, poster and postcard, Ian will organise the printing. The whole family is mucking for the general logistics of wrapping and hanging.

I was trying to convince Dad to 'up' the price of the originals as I think he is selling himself short but he was adamant. At least he did agree to adding a little bit (5%-ish) to stop the prices being too rounded and "bland". To my mind 315 is somehow more convincing than 300, for example.

Instead we will drop the price of the prints as one needs to maintain a reasonable differential between originals and prints. Not that I care much about losing margin, it is not about making a profit it is about getting Dad's art better known / more available.

There's a rat in mi kitchen (2)

Unlike the last rat which expired tidily in the dustbin [There's a rat in mi kitchen (1)] this rat is very much alive and living under my floor boards. I spotted him last week scuttling in through a broken airbrick giving access to the sub-floor void at the front of the house. This would explain the damp, musty smell we had noticed in the cellar.

Fortunately Wandsworth provide a free pest control service for rats in private dwellings. The Rat Catcher Vermin Control Officer was of the opinion that there was a whole family of them judging by the patter of tiny footprints in the dust. So he laid a bait box down and stuffed a heap of bait sticks through the airbrick using his bare hands.

He did mention that he tended to bleed profusely if cut but what can he expect if he handles anti-coagulants without gloves - silly man!

Family dining (2)

This weekend we fitted in a double dose of family dining. On our way back from the cottage we called in to Farnham for lunch with my parents. In the evening we went round to Ian&Sarah's along with Jane&Pete for another evening of family dining. An excellent evening; my brother has a wicked wit and had me creased up with a tale of him and youngest son doing "boy looking" in the video store.

Sunday was a bike ride round Battersea Park and Wandsworth Common plus work on the Shed Called Jackson. It was like a Tom and Jerry cupboard - you know - open the door and everything falls out. Now it has a shelf for bits and bobs, a tool rack and several hooks for hanging the paella burner, strimmer cable and such like. So much more ruly.

Spanish visitors

We have a family from Spain staying with us this week. Mary was at college with Gael but they have not seen each other for 30 years! Gael moved to Spain, for her work, shortly after university and has been there ever since, married Juan and had a family, Norman and (little) Gael.

Gael was put in touch with us via Ros from Elgin when Ros heard they were coming to London and planning to stay in a hotel. We were delighted to be able to put them up. Why pay cental London prices when we have three spare bedrooms for guests!

We have been less successful in persuading them to use buses. It takes only a little tuition and street knowledge to work out which bus to catch from which stop but worth the effort. The London Underground is not air conditioned. Travelling by tube squashed in a super-heated tin can with above-ground temperatures of 35°C (95°F) is a *most unpleasant and sweaty* way to travel.

To get them out of London we and they have changed our plans and are going down to the cottage tonight to show them another side of England.

Thumpermonkey Lives! Dublin Castle, Camden. Thursday 03-Aug-06

Live @ Dublin Castle £4.50 Mit Flyer
Thumpermonkey Lives!
Thursday 3rd August @ 9PM 'til late
94 Parkway
Camden
London
NW1 7AN
map

www.thumpermonkey.com
myspace.com/thumpermonkey

Thumpermonkey Lives! Summer Tour 2006

Thumpermonkey Lives! Summer Tour 2006
Aug 03: Dublin Castle, London
Aug 04: Night and Day, Manchester
Aug 09: Pure, Sunderland
Aug 10 The Crown, Middlesborough
Aug 11: Venue TBC
Aug 12: Edwards No.8, Birmingham
Aug 18/19: Secret Festival (Shh)

A public demonstration of the recent album: "Chap With The Wings, Five Rounds Rapid".

www.thumpermonkey.com
myspace.com/thumpermonkey

Lipson-Shiu Corporate Type Test

Forget Myers-Briggs, Belbin, Keirsey, FIRO-B, Enneagram and all those other pyschological instruments. This is the one to use: The Lipson-Shiu Corporate Type Test which classifies along four alternative axes:

• Intelligent-Stupid
• Lawful-Chaotic
• Important-Unimportant
• Good-Evil

I come out as a ...

SLUG (Board Monitor):

Worthy but dull. The SLUGs of this world can be relied on to follow orders unquestioningly. These individuals are highly prized for low-skill tasks like middle management, and make excellent drones (Example: Forrest Gump).

BTW Andrew Lipson does some awesome Lego Sculptures

T-shirt folding

A belated thank you to Bonnie Wren for transforming my t-shirt drawers. In her regular Super Sabado posting at the start of the year she pointed me at How to fold a T-Shirt (and the Long Sleeved version). Since then I have never folded a T-shirt any other way, it's *brill*! Thanks again Bonnie.

DIY in Bonnie Scotland

The weekend was spent in Bonnie Scotland visiting Mary's Mum. Sometimes Mary goes on her own, sometime I go with her. This time I went too and did some "Man of the House" stuff. The main task was repairing two window sills which had gone completely rotten. I am glad to say it all seemed to go quite smoothly, despite having to improvise the appropriate moulding by glueing and pinning together two simpler mouldings. By the time we left on Sunday afternoon all May had to do was apply a second coat of paint later in the week.

While we were there I also did "going up ladder to change security light bulb" and "fix cistern in bathroom". Mary did "assemble box for storing garden cushions" and "slap creosote all over garden shed". The latter she did with such enthusiasm that her beige shorts will never be the same again; they now look more like camouflage wear suitable for desert use.

Mary's sister very kindly added me to her car insurance so we didn't have to rent from Avis but it was noted that she only added me and not her own sister. Perhaps she feared Mary would go hooning in her shiny new Honda Civic. Being mobile did mean we were able to get lots of good things done including a couple of visits to the crematorium: on Saturday for May to put down some fresh flowers and on Sunday for Mary to install a vase with a small bush rose.

Saturday evening we did baby-sitting duties, assisted by May, so George&Sandra could go out. Fair exchange for use of the Honda. The two children were good as gold. Ross was out with his mates until it was time to drag him home (by mobile phone). Sarah spent some time with her friends but I had to entertain her part of the time by playing mini-golf, holding her upside down and doing headstands. Fortunately she had forgotten that I was the man who juggles small, furry animals or I would have been presented with the contents of the toy-box to send skywards.

More T-shirt humour

One downside of not being super fit on Sunday's bike ride was that I got overtaken by many people. As a consequence I saw just the backs of some T-shirts and could only guess at the front, specifically [with my guess]:

...ABSOLUTELY!
[would I do it again?]

...BLESSED ARE THE CHEESEMAKERS.
[what did he say?] *

*Life of Brian by Monty Python
See also previously "T-shirt humour"

Saturday, July 08, 2006: Homeward bound

Saturday dawned brighter so time to take a last few photos to show family and friends. We dropped a set of keys off to Damico's the estate agent through whom we bought the property and who will arrange cleaning, linen and emergency support when we do eventually start letting out. We met Pierdonato, Signor Damico himself, who gave us a very stubbly kiss on both cheeks and enthused about the property, lots of "bella" and, thumping his chest, "cuore" (heart). He thoroughly approves of what we have done and the way we have done it. Very gratifying.

Friday, July 07, 2006: A damp finale

Our last day dampened by rain all afternoon but the ground works continue. Daniele has arranged for a stretch of the neighbouring farmer's wall to be rebuilt and some stones to be munched while the men and machines are here. Part of the trade off for agreeing where the new boundary wall should go. No skin off our nose and an excellent idea to keep on good terms with the neighbours. An unexpected bonus was that they munched part of the strada bianca so it is less jarring on the nerves and the suspension.


Olive tree in top driveway

Externally Donato has moved the olive tree to where it will give shade for at least one parked car. Internally the progress is not quite as promised. The washer-drier has turned up but both it and the oven have yet to be installed. The carpenter is due next week to make the cupboards for under the work surface and to box in the fridge and dishwasher.

There are a few bits of "making good" to be done and the last part of the garden to be covered with topsoil. We will email a snagging list (US: punch list) to Daniele next week ready for our next visit in six weeks time. By then all must be ready or he doesn't get the last tranche of money.

Thursday, July 06, 2006: Garden creation

Today was a day for retreating to the beach while the ground works continue. Out at 10, back at 4 to find great progress. Having removed the larger or reusable stones the team brought in a garden variety rock muncher. Unlike the industrial version (See "Rock Muncher") that does whole fields in a day, this more modest version converted the garden rubble and stone debris into dust and gravel ready for a covering of topsoil.



As far as we can tell this topsoil is coming from another project down the lane where they excavated for a huge double cisterna and underground garage; at least half a dozen lorry-loads so far. Spread about by the JCB, the garden is starting to look like a garden not some rock-strewn desert.

Our September visit will include visits to the local garden centre to stock up on hardy, drought resistant, low (nil) maintenance plants. Driving about we have been making a mental note of road side plants that seem to thrive naturally without human intervention of much water. We will certainly be replacing the black fig lost in the making of the drive, planting rosemary, lavender and a lemon tree (for the Gin and Tonic). There will also be a herb patch but beyond that we are still in the early planning stage.

In the evening we went over to Christine and John's for supper and met a crowd of their friends: Paulo, Simone and Patricia, Anne, her son Toby, and Reno, a neighbour. Plus got thoroughly slobbered by their bouncy Labradors, Kahn and Shah. Another post-midnight end to the day.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006: Rubble and extras

Today is the start of clearing and tidying the grounds. The JCB and Bobcat are back and started on moving piles of stone and levelling mounds of earth, also moving and olive tree to where it will shade the drive. They have some work ahead of them as the grounds / garden is a cross between a building site and a quarry.



Amongst the piles of stones is a smaller heap of shaped flagstones. Having finally spent longer than 24 hours there we decided the path round the back needs extending to give us a small patio area. This will get the late afternoon and early evening sun. It will also give us a private area to sit out when the main courtyard is in use by paying guests. Another cost overrun but what the heck!

Looking back over the last 18 months I am very happy with all the "extras" decisions we have made even if they all added to the final bill:
• making the Lamia kitchen smaller so we could gain a second bedroom
• knocking through two doors from the Lamia dining room into the bedrooms
• doing the aesthetic reconstruction on the front cone
• restoring the pizza oven
• creating a second driveway which enabled us to block up the original entrance and have an enclosed courtyard
• paving the *whole* of the courtyard by widening the flower bed (and our budget)
• building a low perimeter wall round the entire plot (there was no demarcation between our land and the farmer's field)


New wall, flower bed and courtyard

Daniele came and presented us with a final schedule of costs that was nearly double the original base estimate, partly because that base was the bare minimum required to make it habitable and partly because of all the extras we opted for. Since this will become our main (or at least equal first) home I am happy to have spent the money. Also, as Daniele points out, to come back later and do more extras would cost much more. There have been economies of scale and logistics doing all the work while the specialist stonemasons, other trades and equipment are already on site.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006: Thunderstorms and pasta

During the night we had a tremendous thunderstorm right over our heads. Not so much rain but deafening thunder of the jolt-you-awake, have-we-been-struck variety. We hadn't but it was enough to trip the main fuse so no water until we switched the pump back on. At which point we discovered the boiler was leaking and had to switch the pump back off again until the plumber could sort it out.

On a previous visit we had agreed to install an extra safety fuse to protect the electricity meter, which is out in the lane, from the effects of lightning strikes. This means when we are plunged into darkness we only have to reset the trip-switch in the house rather than venture out into the elements to reset the main ENEL fuse.

We are surrounded by fields and olive groves of the kind that feature in travel guides describing the Italian countryside. These books focus on the obvious features of any foreign land: the architecture, art and history, the food, culture and language. Howvever they tend to miss out on the little everyday things that also characterise a country like how Italian men drive with one arm dangling out the window. Or how every supermarket, large or small, has a complete aisle dedicated to dried pasta in all its myriad forms.

If you wander round a kitchen showroom or inspect an unoccupied house for sale there is always a packet of pasta on the worktop as 'window dressing'. It is clearly iconic emotional shorthand for home / food / family.

Hampton Court to Hove 2006

As well as catching up on the saga of the holiday, this week Mary and I have been in training for today's 60 mile (96km) bike ride (http://www.capitaltocoast.org.uk/). As well as cycling to work and back four days this week we went for training rides on Tuesday and Thursday evening of 22 and 25 miles respectively. Very pleasant along the Thames path as far as Ham and back through Richmond Park.

Today we were up at 6am to drive over to Hampton for registration and set off by 7:30. We were joined by Kate&Ian who put us on to this ride in the first place (see Ian's previous mention in "Always wear a helmet")

Ian shot off and left the three of us to make our way to Hove in our own time - which turned out to be 7hr 20 min which I was happy with considering the hills, the blazing sunshine and the frequent rest stops. Ian, having thighs of steel, did it in under 3½ hours.



Ian, Kate, Mary and Mark on Hove sea front.

Monday, July 03, 2006: Our first dinner party

During the day two 'lads' came and grouted all the pathways laid by Billy "No Mates" last week. This past week we have had almost daily visits from Daniele (architect) and Donato (foreman) who is directing the lads. The various bits of wiring, plumbing and plastering continue but not at the same frenetic pace of last Monday.

In the evening we had our very first dinner party in Puglia. Christine, a tutor on Mary's NLP course, lives the far side of Ostuni about 15 m (24 km) away. So we called and invited her and husband John over for supper. John's GPS was able to confirm our exact location as N 40° 45' 912", E 17° 22' 604" and elevation as 480mt above sea level.


[thanks to wikipedia for the picture]

We have a mystery tree in our garden. We could identify all the other trees (olive, green fig, black fig, almond, apple) but not this last tree. I could not believe a farmer would plant anything unless it had some utility value. John was able to identify it for us as a white mulberry. The grub-like fruits are very tasty and would, I imagine, make a delicious crumble or flan.

We served a simple supper of cherry tomato, mozzarella and rocket (US: rucola) followed by grilled chicken (marinated in olive oil, lemon juice and garlic), fried mushrooms and peppers and capers. We chatted away till midnight when our guest left with a return visit arranged for Thursday.

Sunday, July 02, 2006: Small doors

The Trulli are not quite as large as they may appear in the photos. They have been nick-named "Dwarves' Cathedrals". This picture will give you an idea of scale, I am 5' 8½" (174cm).



We have a habit of buying old houses with small doors. The door into the bathroom is 65 in (165 cm) and into the middle Trulli (illustrated) only 59 in (150 cm). A couple of times I have gone to the bathroom for a pee in the middle of the night and staggered back to bed clutching my forehead and muttering, "Ow! Ow! Ow! That hurt!!" I am still learning to duck walk like Groucho Marx.

Avon Cottage holds the record though, the door into the third bedroom is only 44 in (112 cm) high by 22 in (56 cm) wide. This is because the room is converted loft space and the door is squeezed between the oak of the cruck frame and the brick of the chimney. Not surprisingly it is a favourite with visiting children.

In Puglia the door size is as much a function of the local population. Here in Southern Italy, Mary and I tower a full head above half the people at the local market. Mary's height, pale Scottish complexion, freckles, blue eyes and blonde hair attract a number of curious stares. If, as they often do, guess us as German, Mary corrects them in Italian "Sono Scozzese" (I'm Scottish).

Saturday, July 01, 2006: White Roads

Another lazy day of 35 °C (95 °F), blues skies, sunbathing and reading. Retreat indoors for lunch and the hottest part of the day. More relaxing in the afternoon then a cycle into Cisternino, as much for the exercise as any purpose, though we did acquire a couple of water-bottles and bottle holders for the bikes. Mary has signed us up for another charity bike ride the weekend following our return so we need to keep in practice. This will be twice our previous ride, 60 miles from Hampton Court to Hove (http://www.capitaltocoast.org.uk/)



The Hovel is down a dirt track known in Italian as a "Strada Bianca" - literally "White Road" - which well describes this dry and dusty, narrow limestone track. Everything is covered in fine white dust including my best deck shoes. As we were going out for a meal I thought I had better give them a clean. Burgundy shoe polish is not on my normal holiday packing list so I thought I would improvise with the furniture polish - a bit of silicone wax, neutral colour - just the job. Unfortunately I grabbed the "Raid" fly spray and gave my shoes good dousing before I noticed my mistake. So my feet should be free of flies and wasps for a while.

Friday, June 30, 2006: Weights and measures

Friday is market day in Locorotondo so we cycled into town and brought a few items including a couple of coverlets for the twin bedded room and more kitchen utensils. It would appear that few Italian housewives measure out their ingredients as we have been looking for a measuring jug for the last half dozen visits and only just found one. As for measuring spoons, I think we will have to bring a set from the UK.

In the late afternoon we went to the local furniture shop and settled on a different day bed, a table with two three-seater banquettes and two dining chairs. Handed over EUR 50 deposit and agreed to call them when we are back in September to arrange delivery.

Thursday, June 29, 2006: Of water and electricity

Part of the plans for this holiday was to order furniture for the Lamia house (the rectangular one on the right) to be delivered in September when we are back again. So we hopped in the Micra and drove down to Fasano to visit Mobiltre (furniture store) and look at dining tables and day beds. For preference metal-framed and glass-topped to echo the internal doors Daniele has had made specially. We identified a candidate truckle bed but didn't order as we had other shops and a week to go.

By this stage the squad of workers had shrunk to just one. Every day Billy "No Mates" is here working on the remainder of the path plus neat-fitting stone covers for the electrical access points and the cisterna (underground water cistern).

The cisterna was not complete last time and we were running off a temporary tank (big blue thing in earlier picture). Now the original cisterna has been deepened, re-roofed, re-lined and re-filled from the communal agricultural cisterna in the road. The water is free but it is rain and ground water so we buy bottled water for drinking and use cisterna water for everything else.

It is still strange to have the lights dim every time you flush the toilet or turn on the tap. This is partly because the drop in pressure cause the water pump to kick in and partly because of the Italian electrical supply. We are the last house at the end of a line of electricity poles and, like many Italian homes, had a supply rated at a pathetic 1.5kW. That meant if you plugged in the kettle and a hairdrier at the same time the main fuse blew and you were plunged into darkness.

We have paid, twice, to be upgraded, once to 3.0kW then to 4.5kW. Now the lights just flicker but we still have to be mindful of the number of appliances on the go at any one time. And we have a whistling kettle that we boil on the gas hob.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006: Italian bugs

The insect life round here is impressive. The slaters* on steroids are, if anything, even larger than on our last visit. Like Hollywood hopefuls looking for a part in some Jurassic Park follow-up. The beetles and bugs are larger than life too and there are huge swarms of butterflies of all colours. The lizards come in two sizes: small brown ones (illustrated) that we have nicknamed "Larry" and the foot long (30cm) bright green ones which are very camera-shy. Even the Turkish Gecko put in a brief re-appearance.



We also have small inch long (2cm) scorpions. I did accidentally transfer one into the car on the bottom of a bag and before I could shoo it out it had scuttled, irretrievably, between the cushions of the back seat. H-m-m, maybe I just won't mention that till we get back home.

The bag contained laundry from out last few trips here. We *had* hoped to put it through the washing machine that Daniele had assured us would be installed by the time we arrived. Looking at the hole where it should be we decided to drop a couple of bags off at the local cleaners for a service wash.

*Scottish for Wood louse (US: Roly-poly bug).

Tuesday, June 27, 2006: Dining under the stars

Tuesday was spent at the beach down past Savelletri. We called in at Emmezeta (local hypermarket) on the way out to pick up a few more pieces for the house: 2 under-bed storage crates, 2 small bedside tables, de-humidifying tablets, more fire lighters and charcoal for the barbeque, etc.

Then we hit the sunloungers till lunchtime at La Rotonda de la Rosa. After seafood antipasta washed down with 1/2 litre of local vino bianco Mary had the seafood linguini. I passed but had a tartufo nero (dark chocolate truffle icecream) over which they had poured a good measure of local liqueur. That meant we had to return to the sunloungers for a siesta until I was safe to drive home again.

The tan is coming along sporadically. Mary says I look like a Battenburg cake but it is more like a Neopolitan ice cream with tastefully contrasting blocks of coffee, vanilla and strawberry. Pass the (sun) cream!



That evening, for the second night running we barbequed in our newly enclosed courtyard. It is wonderful to be able to dine under the stars - clearly visible, there is so little light pollution - wearing just shorts and a T-shirt scarcely believing the cuteness of our surroundings. It was almost hallucinatory, can this - finally - be real.

It has been over three years since we first saw this place. It took 18 months to buy it with many false alarms and abortive trips to Italy. Then, once ours, the building works took forever (17 months so far) and might just be finished before we leave this trip.

Monday, June 26, 2006: Workmen start early

A rude awakening at 5:30am (UK: 4:30am) as the first of the workmen arrive and start breaking rocks outside our bedroom window and I am not talking metaphorically here. By the time we are up and breakfasted there is a full squad in action: eleven (!) men, a JCB digger and a Bob Cat mini-bulldozer. Needless to say the work proceeds at an astonishing pace.



As Monday is market day in Cisternino we left them to it and went to stock up on fruit and veg for the week. By the end of the day the original entrance is walled across and the inner wall for the flower bed is done. Several metres of the perimeter pathway are constructed and most of the floor lights cabled in. The concrete beside the pizza oven steps is plastered over and the entire complex given its second coat of limewash so all is gleaming white and looking fab.

Several of the lads worked a 12 hour day before disappearing. One of them returned at nine o'clock that night to dump a load of capstones for the boundary walls. So we got an early night expecting another onslaught the following day.

Sunday, June 25, 2006: First inspection

Breakfast part one was a cup of tea with UHT milk left by Cordia, our first guest, a couple of weeks ago. We had arrived too late last night to go via the shops and stock up as originally planned.

We made a tour of inspection to see what progress had been made since our last visit four weeks ago. The works were *not* completed - as expected - but there was lots to see.

The courtyard paving was finished and the perimeter path went two-thirds of the way round the building. The inset lights in the path and roof terrace were in place but not wired in. A cooker, dishwasher and fridge had appeared in the Lamia house awaiting installation.

Most impressive though was the aesthetic restoration of the front cone. Now the front door arch matches the courtyard door and the roof line has a very traditional shape to it. I am really pleased we went for it, it looks fantastic <G>



At nine o'clock it was a quick drive to the local supermarket for milk and bread for breakfast part two and food for the rest of the day. We had treated ourselves to a convertible from Avis, the smallest they do - a Nissan Micra 1.4 - it must be one of the smallest cabriolet around. You would have to call it a fun car because you couldn't take it seriously: 0-60 with an egg timer, a boot (US: trunk) that could scarely hold an overnight bag when the roof is concertinered into it and back seats only suitable for children or double amputees. Still it is just the job for us: top down, glorious sunshine and wall to wall blue sky.

Saturday, June 24, 2006: We missed the plane

Well the relaxing holiday didn't quite get off to the laid back start we had intended. The taxi ride to Gatwick used up contingency we didn't have and we missed the plane.

Gary, the supervisor, did his best to get us on board but the luggage handling agents were adamant. Gary offered to put us on the next Bari flight but that wasn't till Thursday! So instead he revalidated our tickets for the 14:00 to Rome. We checked our backs and retired to the business class lounge for a lunch of BA sandwiches and white burgundy.

We used the time to book ourselves an onward flight, Rome to Bari, on Alitalia. That meant four hours to kill in Rome airport and we finally arrives at the Hovel-in-the-Hills™ at 11:30pm - seven hours behind schedule but at least we got there the same day.

I'm back, I'm back

I'm on the right track *

Two weeks without internet access or blog entries!

Fortunately I bought a notebook and kept a paper blog (or diary as they used to be known). I will retro-post but in the mean time here is the before and after...

* Hello hello I'm back again by Garry Glitter

The final cone

We are off tomorrow (Saturday) so this may be my last post for two weeks unless I can make it to the new internet cafe in Locorontondo.

Daniele has sent us more pictures to prove the squad are still "on the case". This cone did not need doing on practical grounds but it had been unsympathetically repaired by a previous owner. This obviously distresssed Daniele and he persuaded us to do an aesthetic repair to return it to its original condition. Like the cottage and another budget over-run. Ho-hum, I am a sucker for doing the right thing.

So in two week's time expect a rash of new piccies of the completed des res in the sun. Until then "live long and prosper".

Toodle-pip!

Packing for our holiday

Nowhere is the difference between the genders more apparent than in our respective approaches to packing for our holiday:

Mary [Holiday - 10]: What do I want to take with me? What is appropriate for our destination, time of year and latest weather forecast? Which items are still in fashion or favour? Which ensembles work together well? What is still in the laundry basket that needs to go through the washing machine in order to be clean and ironed in time to pack?

Mark [Holiday - 1]: Opens wardrobe. Is it clean? Yup. That'll do then, job done!

Avon Cottage on the market

So the deed is done. Saturday we whizzed down to the cottage for the day. Mary did weeding and internal tidying, Asher helped by clearing the weed patch round the quince and plum trees and I did jungle containment in the raspberry canes.

Then Bob Hill from Wessex Archeology came to inspect the works and draw up a snagging list. In the afternoon we had three estate agents (US:realtors) round to give an approximate valuation.

Yesterday we appointed one to act as our agent and got Bob&Lynn to drop the spare keys round to them. So I guess soon the cottage will be up on http://www.primelocation.com/ and http://www.rightmove.co.uk/ though it might take them a couple of days.

It is going to be strange giving up the cottage. I have always said that the cottage, the cats and Mary were the most important things in my life with work a very poor fourth. I hope we find a buyer who is sympathetic to the needs of a 650 year old home.

T-Shirt humour

A guy at the Salisbury Festival on Saturday was wearing a T-shirt bearing the legend:

"There is a place for all God's creatures...
...right next to the potatoes and gravy!"

This put me in mind of the many excellent T-shirts I saw when we were at the NO JazzFest, including:

"Vampire Support Group"
"Masquerading as an Adult"
and
"The Five Food Groups of Rock'n'Roll
• Alcohol
• Nicotine
• Caffeine
• Sugar
• Grease"

England swings like a pendulum do

Three times this last week Horse Guards Road has been closed for various events related to QE2's birthday and the ceremony of Beating The Retreat so I have been forced to cycle down the Mall, past "Buck House" and through Victoria.

Along the Mall there were not one, not two but three pairs of 'Bobbies on bicycles, two by two'*. Make no mistake these are not your rose-tinted bobbies but pedal-powered traffic cops. They have words with cyclists who run red lights and, I presume, can pursue pickpockets through crowds where a car chase would be, to say the least, inadvisable.

See http://www.cityoflondon.police.uk/news/2002/aug-12-02.html
and
"Flashing Blue Bike"

* England Swings by Roger Miller

I'm up on the eleventh floor

And I'm watching the cruisers below *

Well actually the first floor (US: second floor) but you get my drift.

Had a short notice get together with siblings and nephew Mike in Old Compton Street last night to see Jane&Pete's new pad in darkest Soho. As I crossed Dean Street I passed a couple going the other way. I heard the girl say something to her companion in a dark brown voice and had a Crocodile Dundee moment, "Strewth, that Sheila's a fella!".

The flat is one room with K&B but that's all they need for a crash-pad in the heart of the city. I will be able to meet Jane for lunch when she is up in town as it is only five minutes walk from work. Jane is very excited about this as her first job, *mumble* years ago, was just around the corner so this is a chance to revisit the haunts of her youth.

* Queen Bitch by David Bowie

Working on the cottage

The weekend was another two days of rushing about like maniacs. Up on Saturday morning to cut the lawn and get through a couple of wash loads. Hang them on the line and then off to Avon Cottage to inspect the progress on the works.

In early 2004 we had all the windows refurbished *and* we had a leak in the thatch which forced us to have the cottage re-thatched (see "Thatch before 1/4" and following). Both of which left plasterwork in need of repair.

We are going to have to sell the cottage. We don't want to but the cost of supporting two mortgages doesn't make sense. So we need to get it in a fit state to sell. Thus we need to get all that internal work done.

Plus the previous owners had been liberal in the use of cement and modern plastic based paints. Not good for an old timber-framed building. While we were about it we decided to do the right thing by the building.



So as well as internal repairs, we are having the walls stripped of the modern cr*p, repointed with lime putty and limewashed with traditional materials. We regard ourselves as custodians not owners and want to leave it in a better state than we found it.

After a quick inspection it was tidy up indoors and take rubbish to the tip, getting the place ready for vistors next week end so they don't arrive to find a building site. Then off to the Salisbury Festival with Bob&Lynn for a picnic in the cathedral grounds, a jazz concert and fireworks. Sunday morning was a quick (4 hour) blitz round the garden targetting the biggest weeds, then off to London for an afternoon of furniture rearranging. By eight o'clock we were distinctly zombie like through sheer exhaustion.

Pictures from Daniele

Daniele, our architect, emailed me some photos yesterday - proof positive that the workmen continue to work even in our absence:

Lorry Delivering Flagstones
This is where some of the budget overrun is going.


Courtyard Started
The first line of stones in place.


Back Door Path
We are having a metre wide path all around the perimeter of the building.


Roof Terrace Completed
This is where we watch the sun set with a glass of vino bianco.


Pizza Oven Work-in-Progress
Oven at the back, wood store on the right, doors to be added to give us storage space for garden furniture.

Michael McLellan paintings

Two more of Dad's paintings, "Charon" and "Multiple Images":



"Charon" by Michael McLellan




"Multiple Images" by Michael McLellan

See also
"Michael McLellan - Limited Edition Prints" (previous Blog post)
"http://www.michaelmclellan.com/" (Dad's website)

Bits and bobs

Pied-a-terre: My sister Jane and husband have exchanged on their one-room flat in Soho with completion early next month. So we can look forward to some evenings of jollity in Soho (see "Walking in the Wild West End").

I'm sorry I'll read that again: It must be having done too many crosswords that causes me to parse things oddly. Last time I was in Waitrose I bought a stir fry pack containing "Free Range Egg Noodles".

That's nice I thought, these egg noodles are keep in fields and allowed to roam free, not like factory farmed noodles. Then I re-read and thought Ah I think they mean the chickens that produced the eggs.

Marriage of Convenience: I was amused by Empire Magazine's 'Book of Movie Trivia' suggestion that Whoopi Goldberg should marry Peter Cushing so she could become Whoopi Cushing.

Visitors from Elgin

This weekend we had Ros&Craig from Elgin (see"Elgin Itinerary") staying with us for the weekend. We decided to do a Young's Brewery tour after the success of the last one (see "Piss up in a brewery"). We were joined by another friend, Paul, who is a big Young's fan. He plans to have a drink in every single Young's pub and has managed well over a hundred so far.

The tour was even better than last time, the guide knew his stuff and kept the facts, figures and anecdotes coming. At the end of the tour we retired to the Brewery Tap for a tasting. Last time we were served a pint (or two halves). This time the guide said, "Ok we'll sample all the keg beers then move on to the bottles".

The tasting glasses were about a third of a pint and we sampled the ordinary (bitter), the special (best bitter), waggledance (a honey beer), St George's (seasonal summer ale), stout (a dark beer) and double chocolate (a dark, sweet beer with, you guessed it, chocolate). Then on to the bottles: a lager, Ramrod, and finally Old Nick - a barley wine at 8 percent - not advisable for a long drinking session!

A most excellent tour after which we had to retire to the garden and the sun-loungers for a little siesta.

Sunday we took our guests on a walking tour of the local environs: along the Thames path, over Wandle creek, lunch at 'Ghillies on the River', a circuit of Wandsworth park and back home for a quick turn-around and out again into central London.

We queued up for two and a half hours to get into the Comedy Store to see the Comedy Store Players (including Eddie Izzard) do a two hour set of 'improv'. It was OK but I think I would have preferred standup comedy. An Italian meal after and home by midnight. Then Monday go into work to recover from the weekend.

Wedding Anniversary

Not ours but my parents. Yesterday was their 55th wedding anniversary. Not bad going. When Mary and I get to that stage I shall be 96 (yes, ninety-six, I married late). Let's hope I live that long!

Completion of the hovel in sight

This weekend's visit was the most encouraging so far. There were signs of progess on the Lamia House* not least of which was workmen on site doing banging and hammering. Previous visits have been marked by a noticeable lack of any activity or progress (see "Trulli update for April 06" and "Trulli interior").

This is partly due our friend Anne learning from our experience. She commissioned Daniele, our architect, to install a pool for her with stiff time penalties, to whit: if not complete by the start of the season you don't get paid. So now that her pool and terracing is all but done the squad have transferred their allegiance back to us.

This is a bedroom in the Trulli House which is compact - don't be fooled by the wide angle lens. We went for minimalist furnishings, a small canvas covered, pine mini-wardrobe and a hat stand. The joy of these rooms is that, lying in bed, you look up into the interior of the cone.



In the Lamia house we now have internal doors with elegantly slim metal frames and glass panels with hooks for curtains. They are really well made and clunk nicely into place. We have kitchen worktop with extra-thick (6 cm) marble. We have a bath where previously was a hole and pipes poking out of the wall. The electrician was doing final wiring so the plasterer could come in the following day and do the last decorative coat.



All in all it look like it might actually be ready for our holiday end of June. In terms of the old triple constraint we are way over time (18 months), way over budget (don't even ask) and over quality (but that I can happily live with).

Daniele keeps pacifying us with "It will be worth the wait" and it is true that he has done a wonderful restoration in a most sypathetic and authentic manner. He has been collecting and recycling old stones for the courtyard so that it will look original rather than a smooth, modern intrusion.



Finally a view across "our" valley from the roof of the Lamia House. What you will not see is any houses. What you cannot hear are the cow bells as the herd across the valley wander homeward for the evening milking. This valley is so quiet we do not even get the nightly Italian dog chorus echoing back and forth. I am really looking foward to our proper holiday at the end of the month, two whole weeks of this :-)

* There are two halves to the property. Five cones make up the "Trulli house", two cones plus a rectangular agricultural building or "lamia" make up the "Lamia house".

The wit of the Oirish

Sunday morning I was scalping the small pocket handkerchief of grass that passes for our front garden in Wandsworth when a bloke stopped and leaned over the small brick wall.

"Yer doin' a grand job there" he commented in a pronounced Irish brogue.
   "Thank you" I replied.
"What you want to do," he advised, "is sprinkle a bottle of whiskey over the grass".
   Walking straight into it, I exclaimed "A waste of good whiskey!".
"Ah but," he quipped "when it grows back it'll come up half cut".

An almost free lunch

Mary and I have made so many bookings through toptable: London Restaurants that we had enough frequent eater points for a free three course evening meal. Excellent. So we booked ourselves into Quaglino's for a Friday night meal.

As we had a bit of time to kill I went straight from work to meet Mary in St James Park where Mary was on a four day NLP course held in Regent's College. We took time to wander around the park and be amazed at the amount of aquatic bird life. As well as the "usual suspects" (Mallard, Coot, Moorhen and Tufted Duck) there were loads of others.

The Canada Geese were particularly pushy and came marching forward beaks agape in expectatation of crusts of bread. Apparently they are a major problem in London parks because of their voracious eating habits and the resultant pollution from the output of their digestive systems.

The birds there are so used to human presence we were able to get within three feet of a Heron who looked not the least perturbed by our proximity. There were also half a dozen more exotic water fowl we could not identify from our small bird book. Orange headed ducks, ducks with rust coloured bodies and various LBJ's.

We then walked down Baker Street passing the blue plaque at 221B (Sherlock Holmes residence) to where we could get a cab down to Quaglino's where we had a very enjoyable three course set menu.

Now the food may have been free but the deal is you pay for the extras. The water, side vegetables, half bottle of Roederer, bottle of white wine, glass of red with Mary's cheese, glass of dessert wine with my pud and 12.5% service charge came to GBP 113 (USD 213). So not *exactly* what you would call free!

PS
Apologies for the gap in postings but we have been in Italy for two days. An update on the Hovel-in-the-Hills™ to follow.

You are old, father William...

...the young man said
And your hair has become very white
And yet you incessantly stand on your head
Do you think, at your age, it is right? *

My first ever yoga teacher, thirty years ago at Oxford, was a guy called Kofi. It seems he became a big teacher in the world of Iyengar yoga. He was very keen on Shoulder Stand and Head Stand so early on I got used to being inverted for long periods of time.

Last week the teacher at Esporta got us to do the head stand. She was saying things like "this is difficult but give it a go" and "use the wall to help steady yourself". I just plonked my head on the floor, fingers interlocked behind the head, straightened the legs, lifted gracefully into a free-standing posture and "how long do you want me here?". But pride comes before a fall...

This week we did the Pigeon [see Google images for pictures of the Pigeon posture]. I may be able to put my hand flat on the floor in a forward bend but in reverse my spine has the flexibility of an oak plank! The hip joints were no help either. As soon as I tried to lift my hands off the floor over I toppled.

H-m-m, more practice needed methinks!

* You are old, Father William by Lewis Carroll

I don't want to go to Chelsea

My normal cycle route takes me through Battersea Park and over Chelsea Bridge. This week thay have turned the car parks into overflow parking for the Chelsea Flower Show at only GBP 20 per day.

I know there are keen gardeners the world over but I do think of gardening as a particularly English obsession. At one wedding I went to the Best Man's speech included the quote, "If you want to be happy for a year get a wife. If you want to be happy for ten years get a dog. If you want to be happy for life get a garden". **

* (I Don't Want To Go To) Chelsea by Elvos Costello.
** The views expressed here are not necessarily the author's.

Fair weather cyclist

Yesterday morning I opened the kitchen door to let Cleo out into the back garden. She looked at the rain, I looked at the rain, we looked at each other and both thought, "S*d this for a game of soldiers". She went back to her basket and I caught the train to work. If you think I'm cycling in that you're barking.

Michael McLellan limited edition prints

My father is a talented artist and it is not just me who thinks so. His work has been hung at a number of galleries and exhitions, most recently at the Art by Architects "Vision 05 Exhibition" (see also blog entry "Art by Architects"). At the end of last year he was asked to put togther a one-man show at Wolfson College, Oxford this autumn.

At this point Mary and I decided to enter the fine art publishing business. Over Christmas we were at Collier and Dobson in Fordingbridge to buy a pair of Tabitha Salmon prints. We chatted to them about what would be involved in doing prints of my Dad's paintings.

To cut a long story short, I went down to the printers on Saturday with Mum and Dad for a signing and numbering of the first 20 prints of two of Dad's paintings. Fine art prints limited edition of 95 worldwide; Anthony Dobson has done a magnificent job on the prints, the faithfulness and quality of the reproduction is astounding.

The topic of the wording on the Certificate of Authenticity came up. Contact details will be me and Mary as "publishers" but what to put for the web address? We checked it out and michaelmclellan .com and .co.uk were both available. So now, at the ripe old age of 81, my Dad is a dot-com!

If you want to see the paintings please visit "http://www.michaelmclellan.com/".

Meeting with Rosa

aka Blog Meeting 4. After Wednesday's fiasco ("Blog Meeting 3") this was the opposite end of the spectrum. I met up with fellow blogger Rosa of "Living as Rosa" along with "hub" and "the kid" as "hub" was in London on a business trip and the others tagged along.

We met at Joe Allen's at 7 o'clock as arranged and spent a most pleasant evening. I fear I was at my most garrulous and they scarely got a word in edgewise. I was commending the bus as the best form of public transport and pointed them at TFL (Transport For London) and their excellent journey planner.

On the way home doing the short walk over Waterloo Bridge I thought that I must get them to do the same and see one of my favourite vistas (See "London so good they named it once").