Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Advertisement: the Benefits of Wine

• Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
• Do you suffer from shyness?
• Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
• Does speaking in public cause you to panic?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Wine.

Wine is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Wine can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Wine almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Wine.

Wine may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Wine. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include: dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.


• The consumption of wine may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
• The consumption of wine is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
• The consumption of wine may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
• The consumption of wine may cause you to think you can sing.
• The consumption of wine may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
• The consumption of wine may make you think you can converse logically with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
• The consumption of wine may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
• The consumption of wine may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
• The consumption of wine may cause pregnancy.
• The consumption of wine may be a major factor in getting your arse kicked.


Stuffy said...

I'm more than happy to endorse these messages as a lifelong user , and can testify that well into my twilight years Wine has enabled me to dance like st Vitus on speed well past the traditional limits of dignity, bedtime and common sense

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

I'm still laughing and I haven't had a drink yet tonight! It's the ringing the exes at 4am and thinking I can sing that have been my downfall. Nevertheless, cin-cin!