I'm worried about my drinking

So quoth Cosmo some years ago in "The Clanger" in Devonshire Square along with Pete and I.

One of the thing about lads' drinking is the macho etiquette of "standing your round" which means you cannot be seen to be backward in coming forward to buy the next round. As a result the drinks purchasing is driven by the empty glass of the fastest drinker in the crowd and you might, if you are a slower drinker, end up with a row of bottles of Stella, or whatever, in front of you.

On the aforementioned occasion Cosmo ended up with a Gin and tonic in each hand and another inbound from the bar. This prompted his comment to which Pete wittily riposted "Well you could always try just using one hand."

This evening I met up with an an old friend from school - Martin - who found me by Googling Kenilworth Grammar School. The last time we met up in October '04 I remember feeling not at my sparkiest the next morning. This was, so he informed me, because we bought a round each.

That would not have been so bad but for the three for two special offer!

And that would not have been so bad had they not been bottles!!

Which means, so he claims, we drank three bottles each!!!

Never mind pass the aspirin, pass the whole g*ddamn bottle.